Many gay men choose one role and stick with it, and that’s fine if you feel confident enough. However, it’s important to remember that top-bottom sex is not the only way for gay guys to have fun and satisfy their desires.
The bottom is the receptive partner in same-sex anal sex or oral sex. A versatile bottom or bottom-top is someone who enjoys both roles and switches between them.
1. Keeping it simple
Some gay bottoms find penetrative sex very pleasurable, but for others, it can be a bit intimidating. It’s important to know your limits and what kind of sex you want from your partner, as well as to make sure your sexual partner can handle it safely.
The biggest challenge for many first-time bottoms is getting comfortable with the anal spinchter, a strong muscle that can be a pain in the ass to navigate unless you’re trained. Luckily, a little practice makes perfect, and there are also tools like dilators that can make it easier for new bottoms to find pleasure.
On Grindr, for instance, users can identify themselves as top, bottom, or vers (versatile). But some gay men think this terminology is too restrictive and that it reinforces toxic masculinity by telling them they should only be one thing or the other.
2. Having fun
There are many things to love about being a bottom. The anal orgasms are a great start, but there’s also so much more to it than that. Bottoms can use their hands, their legs, a dildo or even their face to experience pleasure.
When you’re bottoming for the first time, it’s normal to be nervous. You might worry that you’ll get a prostate exam or enemas, or that your partner will leave streaks of poop on your dick.
However, there’s nothing wrong with letting the fantasy take you on an adventure. The headspace, mood, environment and chemistry with your partner(s) are all factors in a fun anal session. Try not to think of your body as a tamable animal and instead enjoy it as an untrained wild one.
3. Keeping it clean
Many gay men are shit-phobic, which is why an entire industry has sprung up around cleaning products and douching techniques. The last thing any of us want is to have poop make a surprise appearance during sex.
So, bottoms do their best to avoid poop by doucheing their bumhole beforehand. They also try to keep their diet clean, particularly spicy foods. This is because the prostate, a walnut-sized gland that’s a pleasure organ for bottoms, responds well to spice.
But it’s really impossible to tell someone’s preferred sexual position based on their personality or physique. It’s nonsense and degrading to do so, especially in a community where some men are naughtier than others. That’s why it’s important to communicate. Top? Bottom? Vers? It all depends.
4. Keeping it private
When public cruising and park sex were common features of gay life, it was easy to tell whether a man wanted to be a top or bottom based on his physical build. But now, with dating apps offering options like vers top and vers bottom, it’s more difficult to gauge a person’s sexual preferences.
Some men shy away from saying if they are a top or bottom because the term has negative connotations tied to masculinity. Others, on the other hand, are more comfortable identifying themselves as versatile tops or versatile bottoms.
Ultimately, the label doesn’t matter — it’s the chemistry and communication that matters. And for some, it may be more fun to pick a side and stick with it. Regardless, it’s always good to have options.
5. Keeping it spicy
While it’s great that gay men are embracing more flexible sexual terms like vers, the use of top and bottom can still be misleading. It’s easy to assume a guy who prefers top wants to be penetrative or someone who likes bottoming wants to give away control in sex.
However, these aren’t always the case. It’s not uncommon for tops to enjoy bottoming, and vice versa. It’s also not a good idea to assume someone is a bottom or a top based on their attire, body language or what they post on social media. When it comes to sex, the best thing is to keep it spicy and ask what each other is interested in. It could lead to some seriously explosive pleasure. And remember, condoms are always an option.